I was told to kill myself.
I've never really talking deep about the source of my depression cz I'm worried that i couldn't handle it. But today is World Health Day, focusing on Depression. I want to share my story out to help more people. And if you make the same mistake for telling people to kill themselves, I'm asking you to stop doing it.
I was told to take my own life, that i wasn't worth living in this world, that i was a burden, an ugly whore, slut and the stupidest person in the world.
It's been years and i know the person who told me that never intend to really want me to kill myself. It was said out of anger and frustration. Most importantly, that person was depressed as well. I didn't know it that she was depressed and i didn't know i was depressed neither, until my current bf found out recent years when we start living together.
A depressed person, in contrary with what most people believe, we are not weirdos that looks sad all the time. Every cases is different. I'm the type that i do really well in public, and on my Instagram. But i would hibernate for weeks and week, couldn't leave my bed even for just a second. I would cut myself, because the inner pain couldn't be released and it needs to be bleed out of my body. I would hear lots of voices in my head, telling me to go die and kill myself.
When it happens, Barry would have to press me down from hurting myself. And he would distract me with work, or message from my DM that need my help for another person who is depressed. Not all the time i could get distracted, but it's getting better over time.
Remember last Feb when i was in Australia, I've got another panick attack & fall back down into severe depression again. I couldn't swim and i was nearly drowned. But i was saved and i got my life back alive. I had bad dreams and the darkness all came back all together. I hurt myself once again, but not a suicide attempt. It was just self harm.
Depression takes a long long time to heal. It's a long and it could be really lonely. But I'm here today, stepping out of my comfort zone, telling you how i feel and what I've been through. I know some of you could've gone through way worst than this. I just want you to know that you're not alone. We are not weirdos. Most successful people has depression it's just that it is not always so publicly talk about. But I'm here. With you.
World Health Day - Depression #ruok #urnotalone
Note: Unedited, from Sherlyn's personal Instagram @sherlyn_fitness.