The Sparrow
I was told to kill myself.
I was told to kill myself.
I've never really talking deep about the source of my depression cz I'm worried that i couldn't handle it. But today is World Health Day, focusing on Depression. I want to share my story out to help more people. And if you make the same mistake for telling people to kill themselves, I'm asking you to stop doing it.
I was told to take my own life, that i wasn't worth living in this world, that i was a burden, an ugly whore, slut and the stupidest person in the world.
It's been years and i know the person who told me that never intend to really want me to kill myself. It was said out of anger and frustration. Most importantly, that person was depressed as well. I didn't know it that she was depressed and i didn't know i was depressed neither, until my current bf found out recent years when we start living together.
A depressed person, in contrary with what most people believe, we are not weirdos that looks sad all the time. Every cases is different. I'm the type that i do really well in public, and on my Instagram. But i would hibernate for weeks and week, couldn't leave my bed even for just a second. I would cut myself, because the inner pain couldn't be released and it needs to be bleed out of my body. I would hear lots of voices in my head, telling me to go die and kill myself.
When it happens, Barry would have to press me down from hurting myself. And he would distract me with work, or message from my DM that need my help for another person who is depressed. Not all the time i could get distracted, but it's getting better over time.
Remember last Feb when i was in Australia, I've got another panick attack & fall back down into severe depression again. I couldn't swim and i was nearly drowned. But i was saved and i got my life back alive. I had bad dreams and the darkness all came back all together. I hurt myself once again, but not a suicide attempt. It was just self harm.
Depression takes a long long time to heal. It's a long and it could be really lonely. But I'm here today, stepping out of my comfort zone, telling you how i feel and what I've been through. I know some of you could've gone through way worst than this. I just want you to know that you're not alone. We are not weirdos. Most successful people has depression it's just that it is not always so publicly talk about. But I'm here. With you.
World Health Day - Depression #ruok #urnotalone
Love,
Sher
@sherlyn_fitness
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Note: Unedited,Ā from Sherlyn's personal InstagramĀ @sherlyn_fitness.Ā
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Hi All,
It saddens me to read all of your comments, why are peoples foul words so impactful. I know you dont know me but I am going to say it anyways each one of your are beautiful in and out, no matter what happens please always be strong and kind in return. Sending my love and prayers to all of you.
To Sher I would like to add on one more point i love your collection nice work. May I say that as a darker skinned person we get discriminated in every way possible from guys we date, job that would hire us and within the community, this too leads to depression where you can take all efforts to maintain yourself look pretty be the smartest in the class and the most demure female you can be but people still would say we are not good enough due to what we were born into gender/colour/background. Hence, I would really appreciate it if you could use some darker skinned models. So it makes it look that people who sell us clothes don’t look down on us and we are just mere purchasers, it is rare that you see any local outlets using models with a spectrum of diverse skin colour and that also is only done by the international ones. At least this way we can see how it sit on different skin tones and body shape, cause each ethnicity is formed differently.
Dear Sherlyn
I am currently suffering from depression. It’s so severe that I almost took my own life. I’m estranged from my own family. The only one I have is my husband. But, I was told that I’m worthless, stupid, useless by my husband. I cried and prayed God to take my life away so that I don’t need to suffer any more. But God saved me. My illness improve day by day now. I’m very thankful that I’m given second chance in life. Now, I live my day to the fullest. I never waste any time as I want to make use of my time to do something meaningful. I’m still waiting for the day for my depression to fully recover. Hope there is this day. Cheers
Dear Sher,
I’m here to share with you my story. When I was 11, I took pain killers(around 20pcs). I thought I would just say goodbye to this world. I feel like I wasn’t belong to this world. But luckily, I just slept for almost 7-8hours. When I grew up, depression still follow, I get frustrated and try to run away from life. In middle of the night, I cried hardly alone in room. No one could help me.
But now, I try to change my way of looking at things in life. I try to stay positive and there is a “little jaeda” who stand on my shoulder keep on tell me “be patient, keep in up, you getting better and better”
Hopefully one day, we will “dump” depression away.
Love,
Jaeda